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Dennis Miller Quote: 'Joan Rivers telling Lauren Bacall her ...'

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Profession: Comedian
Nationality: American
Birthday: November 3, 1953

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Like Get He Her Wrong Needs Top Telling Dress Edge Bruce Rivers Joan Lauren Carrot Lenny

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Any comic like myself owes everything he has to Lenny Bruce. He was the originator. The godfather of uncensored American stand-up is clearly Lenny Bruce.

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Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.

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I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.'

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I don't want to be known just as 'Carrot Top.' I don't always want to be this crazy, goofy guy.

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I'm not trying to be the next Joan Rivers.

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I could be the Greta Garbo of comedy, very secluded, but Garbo had a man who was beyond rich to support her.

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Bruce Wayne is Batman. He became Batman the instant his parents were murdered. Batman needs Bruce, however hollow that identity feels to him from time to time. Bruce keeps Batman human.

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I'll die young, but it's like kissing God.

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I'm digging Batman. I'm digging that balance, that duality. He's always on the edge and trying to balance himself within the rules of what's lawful and justice, and being Bruce Wayne and being Batman.

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I would be so mad if I saw something called a memoir, and then it was Mike Birbiglia. It would be so infuriating. It's like, 'Who is this guy, and why does he have a memoir?' David Letterman could write a memoir. Joan Rivers could. I'm just a nobody. I'm a comedian and a writer.

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I always like a charity with people who don't speak English because I get them to do all kinds of things around my house.

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As a kid, Punky Brewster was my idol. I wanted to dress like her and talk like her.

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I'm always shocked when I get an invitation. People are always shocked when they see me at a party.

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I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.

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Any comic is a very good actor. Look at Don Rickles. He is saying the same joke every night for 20 years and making it look like he just thought of it.

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I like the fact that Jack is always wearing a tie except when he's on a mission. I do like it when I get out there and dress up, or dress down, a little bit.

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I am furious about everything.

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Prince Charles is so funny. So, so funny.

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I'd much rather dress like a 5 year old than a 21 year old. I'd much rather wear a puffy sleeved shirt than some low-cut top.

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A girl can tell I like her when I blush or start telling bad jokes.

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