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Rodney Dangerfield
American
November 22, 1921
Comedian
Life is just a bowl of pits.
Rodney Dangerfield
Tags:
Just
Life
Bowl
One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.
Rodney Dangerfield
Tags:
Me
Year
Control
The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
Rodney Dangerfield
Tags:
Would
Way
Running
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
Rodney Dangerfield
Tags:
Always
Them
Lot
When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
Rodney Dangerfield
Tags:
Medical
Mother
Born
I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
Rodney Dangerfield
Tags:
People
Out
Way
I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
Rodney Dangerfield
Tags:
Me
Going
He
My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.
Rodney Dangerfield
Tags:
Me
Then
Now
I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
Rodney Dangerfield
Tags:
Some
Put
Real
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
Rodney Dangerfield
Tags:
She
Stay
Wife
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
Rodney Dangerfield
Tags:
You
Me
Want
What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
Rodney Dangerfield
Tags:
Me
About
He
I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
Rodney Dangerfield
Tags:
Truth
Me
Then
My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
Rodney Dangerfield
Tags:
Me
Get
Out
