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W. C. Fields


American
January 29, 1880
Comedian
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I like children - fried.


W. C. Fields
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I never met a kid I liked.


W. C. Fields
Tags: Never Kid Liked
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I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.


W. C. Fields
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I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.


W. C. Fields
Tags: Never Stuff Water
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Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.


W. C. Fields
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All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.


W. C. Fields
Tags: Women Family Men
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The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.


W. C. Fields
Tags: Best Get Lot
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The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.


W. C. Fields
Tags: Up Another Living
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I'd like to see Paris before I die... Philadelphia will do.


W. C. Fields
Tags: Like Will See
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Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia.


W. C. Fields
Tags: Would Here Living
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Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.


W. C. Fields
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A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.


W. C. Fields
Tags: Money Man Nothing
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You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.


W. C. Fields
Tags: Trust You Even
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It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.


W. C. Fields
Tags: Money His Keep
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I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.


W. C. Fields
Tags: Home About Just
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Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.


W. C. Fields
Tags: Always Small Case
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A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.


W. C. Fields
Tags: Me Even Her
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Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.


W. C. Fields
Tags: Best Up Thing
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The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.


W. C. Fields
Tags: Would Man His
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
W. C. Fields
Tags: Am I Am Father
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I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.


W. C. Fields
Tags: Like Which See
Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.
W. C. Fields
Tags: Great You Me
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
W. C. Fields
Tags: You About Being